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Minecraft Story Mode (Funny Animation) (episode)
Minecraft Story Mode (Funny Animation) 'is the first episode of the Minecraft Story Mode (Funny Animation videos. It is based off of the first episode of ''Minecraft: Story Mode: The Order of the Stone. Transcript '''Narrator: Nothing built can last forever, and every legend, no matter how great, fades with time. With each passing year, more and more details are lost, until all that remains are myths, half-truths, to put it simply, BULLSHIT. And yet, in all the known universe, between here and Hollywood, the legend of The Goons of the Stone endures, unabridged as self-evident bullshit. Narrator #2: '''Introducing our four heroes! Guy With a Sword! '''Narrator: '''With his sword, he would stab things. '''Narrator #2: The Nerdy Dude! Narrator: '''With his engineering skills, he would read books and collect stamps, among other nerdy things. '''Narrator #2: '''Mr. Boom Boom the Psychopath! '''Narrator: '''Mr. Psychopath loved his bombs, and committing arson. '''Narrator #2: '''Ginger Beard! '''Narrator: '''With his ginger beard, he created the world, and was the head of all the goons. These four friends got bored one day, and set out to find the Ender Dragon. In the end, The Goons of the Stone emerged victorious, and the dragon was defeated, hence causing their extinction for dragons. The dragons was just trying to live its life, but the goons didn't care. Now proclaimed heroes, they slipped away into something more comfortable, and now appear on the Wikipedia of Minecraft. But when one story ends, another one begins... '''Olivia: '''Would you rather suck twenty dicks all at once, or have twenty dicks sucking you? '''Jesse: '''Ugh! That's a tough choice! They both sound like very fun endeavors. '''Olivia: '''You seem a little bit different today. '''Jesse: '''Oh, that's because on the character selection screen, I chose "sarcastic asshole". '''Reuben: '''OINK! '''Olivia: '''Don't you think that's weird that you take that pig wherever you go? '''Jesse: '''Not as weird as the fact that he spoons me every night. '''Olivia: '''WHAT? '''Axel: '''Boo. (Olivia, Jesse, and Reuben scream) '''Jesse: '''Aw, you got me! (Reuben poops everywhere) Oh, goddammit, Reuben! '''Axel: You should've seen the look on your faces. Jesse: '''Did you swallow your daily car engine today? '''Axel: '''Hey, my dick hit hard, okay? (Olivia prepares to press the montage button) '''Jesse: '''Woah, woah, woah, what are you doing?! Don't press that yet! '''Olivia: '''Oh, sorry! My bad. '''Jesse: '''Whew! That was a close one! '''Olivia: '''So what are we gonna build for the building competition? '''Jesse: '''We want people's attention, right? so let's build something proper spooky. '''Axel: '''Let's build a creeper. '''Olivia: '''Why don't we build an enderman? They're tall, handsome, and really hot, and spooky. '''Jesse: '''Yeah, I was thinking more towards building Axel's mom. '''Olivia: '''Ohhhh! '''Axel: '''Oh yeah! Good one. '''Jesse: '''I thought so. '''Reuben: '''OINK! '''Jesse: Fine! We'll build a creeper, then! I don't want Olivia here grinding herself against a giant enderman! Axel: '''Well, we better start preparing and training ourselves. '''Jesse: '''All right! Three hands on three, here we go! Three, two, one, woo! You can press the montage button now. '''Olivia: YAY! MONTAGE! WE GOT A MONTAGE! YOU WANNA MONTAGE! HERE IS A MONTAGE! Mon-Montage. Montage. Axel: '''So, we know what we're building now. '''Jesse: '''And we had a good montage. '''Olivia: '''We got this in the bag. '''Gill: '''Nice pig, losers. '''Olivia: '''WHAT DID YOU SAY?! (Gill screams) '''Lukas: '''Well, well, well. If it isn't The Order of the Losers! (Lukas, Gill, Maya, and Aiden laugh together) '''Axel: '''I'm offended. '''Maya: '''Looks like the Fail Squad's here. (Lukas, Gill, Maya, and Aiden laugh together again) '''Jesse: '''Yeah, well, you're all cunts and I hope your moms all get AIDS. '''Lukas, Gill, Maya, and Aiden: '''Woah. '''Olivia: '''Dude! You can't say that! '''Jesse: '''Oh, right, yeah. Family-friendly. Um, you guys smell of poo. '''Lukas, Gill, Maya, and Aiden: '''Woah. '''Jesse: '''Get out of the way! '''Announcer: '''Hey, guys! What's your team name? (Jesse, Olivia, and Axel say their names) '''Axel: '''Come on, guys. I thought we agreed on this! '''Jesse: '''I'M NOT HAVING OUR TEAM NAME BE CALLED "GREASE"! (Lukas, Gill, Maya, and Aiden laugh together again) '''Jesse: '''I don't know why you're laughing! You look like the guys from the movie! '''Lukas, Gill, Maya, and Aiden: '''Woah. '''Jesse: '''Just call us "Cringe", and we'll move on. Thanks. (Axel gets stuck in the gate) (Lukas, Gill, Maya, and Aiden laugh together again) '''Gill: '''It's funny, 'cause he's fat! (Trumpet plays) '''Olivia: '''This creeper looks AWESOME! '''Axel: '''We'll win for sure! '''Aiden: '''This is what you get for comparing me to "Grease"! WHOOPS! I totally tripped or fell or something! (Reuben gets set on fire) (Olivia screams) '''Axel: '''Oh no. '''Jesse: '''My spooning buddy's on fire! I can't live without you! '''Olivia: '''WHAT ABOUT THE CREEPER?! '''Jesse: '''Who cares? It sucks! (Sad music plays) '''Jesse: '''Reuben! Come here boy! I need you to keep me warm tonight... AH! REUBEN! Wait, you're not Reuben... (Pig charges at Jesse) '''Jesse: '''Of course it would be in the spooky cave. Reuby, Reuby, Reuby, Reuby... (Jesse sees two spiders having sex) '''Jesse: (shakes his head) Let that be forever burned in my memory. Reuben: '''OINK! '''Jesse: '''There you are, you pink ball of bastardry! I just realized how dark it went really quickly. '''Zombie Steve: (growls) Jesse: 'Yeah, that's what that means. '''Zombie Steve: '''YOU OWE ME MONEEEY. '''Jesse: '''Ah! Zombie Steve! Yeah, can we not do this right now? It's embarrassing, y'know, in front of my pet pig and everything. REUBEN RUN! '''Reuben: '''OINK! '''Jesse: '''YEAH TRUST ME I'M FULLY AWARE IT'S MY OWN FAULT! I think we're safe. '''Zombie: '''You owe me money. '''Jesse: '''Ahh! '''Reuben: '''OINK! '''Jesse: '''Yes I'm fully aware Reuben! I'M GONNA PAY THEM ALL BACK! (An arrow is shot in front of Jesse and Reuben) '''Jesse: '''Eek! '''Skeleton: '''WHERE'S MY MONEY??? '''Jesse: '''Keep going! (Jesse and Reuben are surrounded by zombies) '''Jesse: '(pulls out a shovel as his weapon) Ya know what? SCREW THIS!! (Jesse is waving his shovel at the wrong direction) 'Jesse: '''Did I get 'em? '''Jesse: '(gets shot in the arm by an arrow) Owww! 'Reuben: '''OINK! '''Jesse: '''OK, I'll admit, this looks really bad! Just stay close to me, I'll protect you! (A zombie comes up towards Reuben and attacks him) '''Jesse: '''Never mind. '''Jesse: '(gets attacked by two spiders) AHHH, AHH, AHHHH! I'M SORRY FOR INTERRUPTING YOU! 'Petra: '''HIYAAAAA! (hits two spiders with her sword) EH, EH, EH, EH! C'MON WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HEEERE! '''Jesse: '''Who are you again? '''Petra: '''I'm Petra, your friend, like a mercenary or something? I do appear earlier in the game but for time constraints and for not liking it, it just plays off now. This is kinda pointless cuz it took me long to explain why. '''Jesse: '''I DON'T CARE, JUST GET ME AWAY FROM THESE LOAN SHARKS. '''Petra: '''Okay, sure. (Pulls Jesse and Reuben away from the monsters) Hey, lemme show you something. '''Jesse: '''Okay??? '''Petra: '''This is a wither skull. '''Jesse: '''Cool...? '''Petra: '''There's a strange guy who wants it. So I'm gonna trade this for an item that he's got for me. '''Jesse: '''Thanks for sharing that...? '''Petra: '''Ah shit, creepers. '''Jesse: '''Wait, where's Reuben gone? '''Petra: '''Who cares? Prepare for an explosion in slow motion. '''Jesse: '''Oh there he is. '''Reuben: '''OINK! (Bridge explodes) (Vaporwave music is playing as Jesse, Reuben, and Petra are falling down into the water, only to land in spikes) '''Petra: '''Okay so for this deal lemme do all the talking okay? '''Jesse: '''You just said okay twice. Wait, WHAT DEAL!? '''Petra: '''The DEAL that I told you about. '''Jesse: '''Sorry, I was too busy staring at your flat chest. '''Petra: '(pulls out sword) SCREW YOU. 'Axel: '''Jesse. '''Jesse: '''Jesse? Is that my name? Jesse? '''Olivia: '''Yeah, that's your name. '''Jesse: '''Oh. '''Olivia: '''Yeah. '''Jesse: '''Ah, right, okay. '''Petra: '''I'm Petra. '''Jesse: '''I got attacked while I was looking for Reuben. And this chick saved me so... '''Axel: '''Why was she in the woods? '''Jesse: '''Having sex with a bear. (snickers) '''Petra: '(sarcastic) Ha, Ha. 'Axel: '''Well we gotta go. They have free cake at the intercom. (Olivia pushes Axel through the gate) I'm fat you see, so that's my character trait, so I love food. Food food food food. Let's go get food. Food food food food. '''Olivia: '''See ya I guess... '''Jesse: '''You will be sorely missed. '''Petra: '''C'mon, down this alleyway. Let's make this deal. (Jesse and Petra are waiting while Reuben is snoring) '''Petra: '''Where is he, he's never late! '''Jesse: '''That's okay, we can pass the time. RPS? Rock, paper, scissors, ah ha! You're shit! '''Petra: '''I have to piss, I'll be right back. '''Jesse: '''What, right here? '''Petra: '''Yeah there's a wall I use over here. My special pissing wall. I call it PISStra cuz my name is PETRA. '''Jesse: '''Brilliant. I'll stand guard then. (Ivor appears holding a sword in front of Jesse and Reuben) '''Ivor: '''AHAAAAAA! JUST WHO ARE YOU? '''Jesse: '''Yeah, you shouldn't creep up on people like that. Especially when your nose is THAT big. You're like a rectangle version of Squidward. '''Ivor: '''SILENCE! Gimme one good reason I shouldn't walk outta here right now!? '''Jesse: '''My favorite color is yellow. '''Ivor: '''OH!! MINE TOO!! But my deal here is with Petra. '''Jesse: '''Yeah she's taking a shit in the bush or something. '''Petra: '''IVOR! '''Jesse: '''Ivor, what a name. '''Ivor: '''This deal, proceed then. (Petra gives the wither skill to Ivor) Hmmm... '''Petra: '''Now where's my diamonds? '''Ivor: '''Oh, they're in that chest behind you, take 'em! '''Jesse: '''What do you think we are, IDIOTS?! I guarantee there's nothing in there and he's gonna run off. '''Ivor: '(flabbergasted) N...no that's n...no uh..uhh..HEY LOOK AN ALIEN! '''Jesse: '''Where?! (Ivor runs off) '''Jesse: '''AW DAMMIT! Classic Toy Story! (Panting) '''Petra: '''He's gone. '''Jesse: '''Thank you captain obvious. You're a great help to society. '''Petra: '''Let's try and find him. '''Jesse: '''Nah let's just stand here for two hours, why not? (Axel is eating at the Fat Booth) '''Axel: '''I'M FAT!! (Axel is still eating as Ivy and Jesse walk by) '''Jesse: '''I've got you now you son of a bitch... '''Gill: '''HEY! If it isn't loser! '''Jesse: '''Oh my god I'm not in the mood for your shit right now...MOVE!! '''Gill: '''You know we beat you right? A-at the contest? '''Jesse: '''I really couldn't give two shits. I'm not interested in your high school drama bullshit, MOVE OUT THE WAY!!! '''Gill: '''LOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEER! '''Jesse: '''Yeah well, your mom sucks dicks for crack money. '''Gill: '''YEAH WELL LOSER! '''Jesse: '''You're adopted. (Gill runs off crying) '''Jesse: '''COME HERE YOU SQUIDARDY LOOKIN! Ivy: WHADDYA THINK YOU'RE DOING?? 'Jesse: '''NOT YOU, THAT'S FOR SURE...You're the reason plastic surgery exists. Enjoy your life. '''DJ: '''Uh, uh. DJ. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. '''Jesse: '''Excuse me? Do you take requests? '''DJ: '''Yeah... '''Jesse: '''Can you play "Eat My Asshole"? '''DJ: '''Yeah. (Jesse dances to the rhythm of the music) '''Reuben: '''OINK! '''Jesse: '''HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING CHEF MAN?! Come here Reuben, come here..HE'S MY SPOONING BUDDY! GET YOUR OWN!! '''Petra: '''Any sign of him? '''Jesse: '''I thought I saw him earlier but I just found an abomination instead... (Ivor cackles deeply) '''Jesse: '''Oh shit, there he is! '''Petra: '''AH CRAP! Let's get passed the security guard though? '''Olivia: '''How are we gonna do that? '''Axel: '''Okay, how about we do this: How about we get the chickens from up there, smash open the glass, chickens will fall out, and the chickens will scare him cuz he's scared of chickens. '''Jesse: '''How do you even know that? '''Axel: '''Cuz I...cu-cuz fuck you. '''Jesse: '''How about we just do this? '''Reuben (Usher): '''Sorry brah, V.I.P only. (Jesse murders the Reuben with an axe) '''Jesse: '''Alright let's go. '''Lukas: '''Okay friend. '''Jesse: '''Who? What?! What?! '''Lukas: '''I'm the leader of that bully gang from earlier. But we're kinda friends now but not really friends. Are we friends? I'm not even sure if we're friends. (Jesse throws an ax at Lukas and stabs him in the head) '''Petra: '''WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? '''Jesse: '''COME ON THERE'S TOO MANY CHARACTERS RIGHT NOW. Plus I like killing things sooo... (Jesse stabs Lukas two times with an axe) '''Olivia: '''STOP IT!!! '''Petra: '''Where'd he go? '''Jesse: '''Hmm, based on my analysis and character profiling...the Krusty Krab. (Jesse laughs while Petra, Olivia, and Axel are annoyed) '''Petra: '(sarcastic) Yeah, good one. 'Jesse: '''SHH. SHH. HOLD UP! HOLD UP! Can you hear that? '''Axel: '''Hear what? '''Jesse: '''The sound of a clarinet! He's GOTTA be close! (Jesse laughs again while Petra, Olivia, and Axel are still annoyed) '''Lukas: '''HEY I'M NOT DE...(Lukas screams as Jesse kicks him off the screen) '''Olivia: '(gasp) THERE HE IS! '''Jesse: '''I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE KRUSTY KRAB! '''Petra: '''COME ON LETS GO AFTER HIM! '''Axel: '''I can deal with a Krabby Patty. I'm fat. That's my character trait by the way...I'm a fat...fffat... '''Petra: '''What do we do when we catch him? There are a million ways to play this. '''Lukas: '''HEY! THAT'S MY LINE! (Jesse throws another ax at Lukas) '''Jesse: '''First thing's first, we're gonna get payback. We're gonna strap him down, keep his eyelids open, and force him to watch the Ghostbusters 2016 remake. (Petra, Olivia, Axel, and Reuben gasp) '''Axel: '''Dude, that's too harsh man, '''Jesse: '''You ready? '''Everyone else: '''Ready! '''Jesse: '''I'm likin' the little synchronization you got goin' on. '''Everyone else: Huh? Jesse: '''Cuz' you guys keep sayin' - Aw forget it. '''Olivia: '''What is this place? '''Jesse: '''I think we just discovered Narnia. '''Axel: '''I'm gonna steal things. '''Jesse: '''Why? '''Axel: Because I decided that I wanna be a thief now. Jesse: '''That's not your character trait whatsoever. '''Axel: SCREW YOU MAN! I'm tired of being a fat kid! I wanna be cool and steal things! Olivia: Guys, CAN YOU FOCUS?! Petra: '''Yeah, we're trying to find my wither skull. '''Axel: You guys never let me have any fun. Jesse: '''Axel, of course we do! Think of all the good times we've had. Rolling you down the hill, tying you up and covering your mouth and drawing piggies all over you. You remember that one time we broke your dad's leg? '''Axel: '''Yes. '''Jesse: '''See? We've had some GREAT times! '''Axel: '''I hate you! I'm stealing this potion AND I DON'T EVEN CARE! '''Jesse: '''He's DEFINITELY gonna notice that that's gone. (picks up flower pot) Oh wait. HUZZAH! (Jesse has a vision that shows that the Wither Storm will destroy Earth.) '''Jesse: OK. Um, I got a feeling that us swapping this potion is a really bad idea. Axel, put it back! Axel: No! You called me fat! Jesse: '''Axel, this could, like, DESTROY THE WORLD or something. '''Axel: YOU CALLED ME FAT! '''Jesse: '''You know what? FINE. Keep it. I'm done. (Everyone else is confused.) '''Jesse: '''I'm goin' home. I'm gonna read a book. And if the world messes up, it's on you. See ya later! (Lukas crawls forward with many axes on his body.) '''Lukas: '''I JUST WANT TO (bookshelf crushes him) AUGH! (Jesse is at home reading, when suddenly an explosion goes off in the background as the Wither Storm destroys everything) '''Jesse: '''What I tell ya?! WHAT I TELL YA?! '''Narrator: '''Tune in for Episode 2. Jesse and Olivia return to the Nether and... No they do not do that. Jesse sits there reading his book, while all his friends perish and die around him. All because of a simple mistake, caused by calling a teenage boy... fat. Now that... is some bullshit. EAT MY ASSHOLE, EAT MY ASSHOLE, EAT MY ASSHOLE! Eat it up! lick it, suck it eat my dick, and asshole too! Suck it!....... (End.) Cast Dexter Manning as Most Narrator - Fryaut Jesse - Dexter Manning Petra - Dexter Manning Olivia - Tiana Camacho Axel - Sebastian Todd Lukas - Sebastian Todd Ivor - CavemanFilms Trivia * This is the second most viewed video made by Smashbits Animations, with 6M views, the first being If HELLO NEIGHBOR was Realistic. * This is the only animation to not end where the real episode ends. * While it says at the end that Jesse returns to the Nether with Olivia, he actually goes with Axel in the second animation. Category:Episodes